Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize