I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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