I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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