this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
