God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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