i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
