Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
