yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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