Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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