man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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