You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
