well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
