I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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