If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
