she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
