Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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