i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
