I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
