I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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