so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
