i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
