I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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