I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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