I can feel you judging me through the phone.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
