you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
