Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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