You can't motorboat a personality
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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