My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
