i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
