This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
