I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
