The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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