I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You made out with two different species that night
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
