we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
