Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
