mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
