I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
