So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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