he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
