youre lurking in front of me
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
