If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
