I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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