my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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