I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
