I want to make a zoo with you.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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