I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
