i already hear my dad disowning me
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
