I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
