Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize