I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
