don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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