she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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