got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
