It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
