your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
