some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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