hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
