Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
