I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
