she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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