all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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