WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize