i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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