I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
