We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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