a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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