bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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