Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
