I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
