A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
