How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
