I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
